Grieving Someone You’ve Had a Bad History With

Posted on: Mar 8, 2020 Publish By: funerallink
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There are unfortunate cases when we lose a person whom we’ve had an undesirable relationship. Their death may be sudden and that you haven’t patched up things before they’re gone, but this doesn’t mean your grief is invalid. Grief and guilt go hand in hand when you feel unforgiven. Of course, we couldn’t blame the departed one for not being able to present themselves and reconcile things with you because of their inevitable passing. However, if you’re one of those who can’t identify their own feelings, whether it’s grief, loneliness, guilt or relief, you need to address it properly before finally saying goodbye.

Here are ways you can cope up with complicated feelings and bring closure to you and the departed soul.

Feeling Weird is Okay

The human mind and the human heart are as complex as a child’s tantrums for the slightest of things. No matter how sour the relationship is, there’s still a loss that occurred. If you feel weird and with lingering feelings of unexplained sides of the story, tell yourself that it is okay. Give yourself time and let your healed and forgiven heart lead the way towards closure and acceptance.

Accepting the Good and the Bad

When you’ve had a complicated relationship with someone, you can’t tell if the good outweighs Succumbing to tragic, heartbreaking or humiliating flashbacks with the departed person can be undesirable. But, if you want closure, you must remember that the good and the bad memories are representations of how the departed has impacted your life.

Finding an Appropriate Channel of Expression

There’s a saying that goes, “don’t speak ill of the dead.” Although this rings a bell for the majority of situations, communicating the unsaid is sometimes what the heart yearns for. If you have issues you need to address, do it in a healthy manner. Talk to a friend, ask for a shoulder to lean on, write a letter of forgiveness addressed to the departed one or schedule an appointment with a counselor.

Getting Rid of Relationship Expectations

After some time of self-talks and realizations, you’ll one day feel that the grief you’re feeling stems from unrealistic expectations. Of course, there are moments when you wished some things never happened, hurtful words were never spewed, and actions never taken. However, what’s done is done. The best thing you can do is accept it, forgive, and continue with life.


Finishing “Unfinished” Business

When things aren’t resolved with a person that you’ve had a rough time with, you may feel that there are still a lot of things that can be done. But, with the loss of a soul, closure isn’t attainable. Breathe, take the time off and let your emotions decide what you need to do to attain calmness and forgiveness.

As people in our life come and go, there’s no need to harbor negative emotions that puts a relationship at risk of breaking. If possible, talk things through and see what both people can do to achieve forgiveness in cases where past closeness can never be reverted. If all things fail, ask help from friends and family for this issue to achieve harmony and calmness in both lives.


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